so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
