I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The air was thick with penises
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
