somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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