would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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