Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
