you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
