M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
