On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
