Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
