I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize