well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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