remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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