He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
