Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
