Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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