Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
