Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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