Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
