I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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