Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
