Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
