I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
