In the future we'll all be gay
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
