it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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