my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
