it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
