This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize