I wish my penis had an off switch
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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