He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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