Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
