dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
