We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
how does that bad decision feel?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
