Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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