How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
