Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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