How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
