last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
