i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
