Capitaan dildo arrescate!
high people should be assigned attendants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
