I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cockslap morals
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
