Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
