I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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