i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
