I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
