I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
