umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize