Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
