wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
