your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I need moral support for this bender
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
