Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
