i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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