if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
