How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize