Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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