If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
