I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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