My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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