Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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