dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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