Jerry, you need to find god
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
