There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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