Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
