I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
