When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
