Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
