im having a threesome with these popsicles
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
