ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
