In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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