i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize