I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
