If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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