It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
