I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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