I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How external is "for external use only"?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
