Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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