also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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