Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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