we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize