Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
