walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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