Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
