She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
